Living in Darkness

Why can't I seem to get him out of my mind? Lately, Andrew's been a lot of my thoughts lately. It's like... I can't go anywhere without seeing something or thinking of something that reminds me of him. I've hardly talked to him since our breakup. I talked to Jess and she says he's probably just focusing on college and I know she's right. Still... I miss him. I really do. Even before we broke up, I was missing him. Missing the Andrew I'd gotten to know over break. I don't know.. maybe I can blame college for making him too tired to do the cute things he always did over break. But I really did miss that.

Now though.. I miss everything. How happy it would make me feel to hear his voice when he'd call or when I would call him. How safe I would feel just talking to him. It made me feel I had someone to live for, other than myself. After my ex Justin, I felt so broken that I didn't know what to do. I never found a way to heal from all I'd been put through with Ian and Justin. I felt... used by both of them. The people who don't really know me couldn't have telled any difference, but ever since them and before Andrew, I wasn't really happy. I just didn't FEEL happy, even if I acted like it. A fake happy I guess it was.

When I met Andrew, everything changed. I changed. I'm not as emotional as I have been. (Though I am right now because I'm crying for the first time in two weeks) I feel like I've got better control over my emotions and that I'm stronger. Its just... I don't know how to get over Andrew. Sure, I can bury myself in school, work, writing and other things I enjoy and I can also change how I look and spend time with my friends. But.. when it all comes down to it, will I be able to get over him? He changed me for the better.

Why do breakups have to be so damn hard? And why do I ALWAYS find the one song that describes how I'm feeling right now? x__x